


Ceremony Chaos

by AshleyPureHeart



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Purple Potty Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 20:50:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12116988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyPureHeart/pseuds/AshleyPureHeart
Summary: Professor Poopypants, a shy scientist from New Swissland, presents his latest invention at the Nobel Prize ceremony...only for someone to show up and ruin the moment for him!





	Ceremony Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> This is how the Nobel Prize ceremony scene in the movie went in the Purple Potty universe. My headcanon is that Purple Potty Professor Poopypants has anxiety and is very shy.

Today was the big day: Professor Poopypants was selected to go to Norway to attend the Nobel Prize ceremony and show off his invention there. During the weeks leading up to the ceremony, he was nervous and worried that it would go wrong, but his wife advised him to rehearse what he had to say to the committee several times. The tiny professor walked onto the stage, took a deep breath, and got ready to present his invention…

“Eh…esteemed members of zee Nobel Prize Committee, it is vith great pride that I present to you…zee Sizeirator 2000!”

The audience looked in awe as Professor Poopypants revealed his invention.

“Behold! It can smallify!” The tiny professor then smallified a car that was on stage, and a model who was onstage held it in her hands. “No more traffic jams!” he proclaimed.

“And conversely, largify!”

Next, Professor Poopypants made a hot dog grow to almost the size of the stage. This astounded the audience, and made them applaud him.

“Look at how big zis hot dog is!” Professor Poopypants exclaimed. “You’re going to need a lot of mustard for zis frankfurter!” Professor Poopypants laughed as the Nobel Prize moderator walked towards him.

“The Nobel Peace Prize in Inventing Stuff goes to Professor Poopypants!” Everyone cheered for the tiny professor as he was given his prize.

“Zuh...zhank you…it’s…erm…ah…” Professor Poopypants stuttered while blushing, making the audience concerned for him.

“Is something wrong?” the Nobel Prize moderator asked.

“I’m…terrified…I am happy to have von this, it’s just…I hate speaking in front of crowds…”

“It’s alright, I’ve known quite a few people who have stage fright, especially at previous Nobel Prize ceremonies. You were brave enough to show up here today…”

“And he’s also brave enough to get his ass kicked by his assistant for winning zhis prize!” a voice boomed from backstage.

Porkbelly Funkyskunk, a tall man with orange hair, walked out angrily onto the stage.

“Porkbelly, I told you to stay backstage! Ve agreed that you vouldn’t ruin my presentation!”

“Shut up! This baby man didn’t deserve the Nobel Prize! He's supposed to be the smartest person in New Swissland, but he sure doesn't act like it! He's actually a scaredy-cat, and doesn’t have any real friends because he’s always nervous about almost everything! I should be famous, not him! I should be dating models and doing zee talk show circuit! I should be protecting baby seals as a cause and say I care about them, vhen I’m only doing it for my so called ‘friend’ who loves them! Professor Babypants should die instead of winning zhis prize!”

Professor Poopypants began to cry at Porkbelly’s death threat. “I worked hard to win zhis award…please don’t kill me…it’s just an award…you can get one next time…”

The audience was terrified at Porkbelly’s comments, and some people were already leaving the ceremony over Porkbelly interrupting what should have been Professor Poopypants' proudest moment.

“This guy should be in prison!” a man in the audience yelled.

“Please get off the stage. You’re making our winner upset…” the Nobel Prize moderator said.

“YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! PROFESSOR POOPYPANTS DOESN’T DESERVE TO HAVE ZIS AWARD! Oh, and one more thing…” Porkbelly said with an evil look in his eyes, stealing the tiny professor’s invention and aiming it at him.

"Give zhat back to me! Zhat wasn’t meant to be used for hurting people!”

“This is vhat you deserve…for now…”

Suddenly, the Nobel Prize moderator ran up to Professor Poopypants and shielded him from the beam of the Sizeirator 2000, making her shrink. The audience gasped at what Porkbelly had done.

“The Nobel Prize Committee politely asks you to leave immediately. But before you leave, can you change me back now, please?” the tiny moderator pleaded.

“VHY DON’T YOU GO AHEAD AND INVENT YOUR OWN SHRINKING AND ENLARGING RAY IF YOU THINK ZIS BABY IS SO SMART?” Porkbelly roared.

Professor Poopypants ran off the stage in tears, clutching his Nobel Prize and Sizeirator as if they were precious jewels.

On the way back to the hotel, the tiny Professor was devastated.

“You ruined my special moment…now all everyone’s going to remember about how I received the prize is how you vanted to kill me!”

“Speaking of killing someone, you’re lucky that I spared your life today, baby man! If I had a useful veapon on hand that vasn’t your stupid shrinking and enlarging ray, I could’ve killed you in front of all zhose people…” Porkbelly explained.

“Throughout all these years, you’ve tormented me for my anxiety, and I hate it…I just vant you out of my life…” Professor Poopypants moped.

“Vhy don’t you pack your stuff and run away from New Swissland when we get back, like you’ve vanted to do for so long?” Porkbelly suggested.

Professor Poopypants sadly nodded his head.

“Good. Because if you return to New Swissland after you move away…I’LL KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! In fact, I’d suggest not taking your vife and kids with you to vhatever ‘better place’ you decide to go to!”

Three days later, when the two scientists got back to New Swissland, Professor Poopypants sadly packed everything he owned, and said a tearful goodbye to his wife and kids. Professor Poopypants was on his way to the United States to become a teacher, hopeful that his love of children would be able to get him to cheer up and forget this incident and all the rough times he had with Porkbelly…


End file.
